Connection Over Perfection: Speech/Language Development

We want the absolute best for our children– isn’t that our job as parents? So what happens when we want the absolute best from our children? Let’s discuss how goals for children’s speech and language development should be guided first by our relationship with the child.

Throughout my years as a speech-language pathologist I have had the opportunity to work hand in hand with parents and caregivers towards achieving a goal for their child’s speech or language development. Although the children’s goals varied widely, many parents shared a similar goal– the desire for their children to overcome speech or language difficulties as quickly as possible. As a professional I see their reasoning, they want their child to reach speech/language norms in a timely manner through effective sessions.  As a parent I can also see their reasoning, they want help for their child, they do not want their child to experience bullying, and they ultimately want the best for their child. Through working with these parents I have found one guideline that supersedes all others for a parent’s role in their child’s speech/language development.

Connection Over Perfection 

When our children struggle with something, it can be easy as parents to slip into “fixing” mode. How can we change this situation? However, when we are talking about speech and language difficulties these are the outliers. We cannot buy a product and have our children begin saying a correct R in natural conversation the next day. We cannot have our children begin speech therapy and expect them to graduate in a week. I have often seen parent’s struggle with this realization, yet in my experience the parents who chose to connect with their children during these difficulties over pushing for perfection created a calmer/better experience for themself and their child. 

Strategies for Prioritizing Connection

1. Keeping Goals Realistic

Just as was mentioned above, there are not always ‘quick fixes’ to speech and language. It takes time for a child to learn to say a sound correctly or to increase their expressive or receptive language. Keep your expectations and goals realistic. Work with your child’s pediatrician or speech-language pathologist on examples of realistic goals. What can they accomplish in a few months? However grand or small, keep the perspective that progress is just that– progress. 

2. Consistency yet Flexibility when Needed

Accomplishing any goal requires consistent practice. I absolutely recommend daily consistent home practice (as is seen in my 12 week course for Early Language Foundations) HOWEVER life happens. If our child is having an emotional day or an important event happens, be flexible. Allow your child to attend a friend's birthday party without nagging them about working on their speech sounds before leaving , take extra time to play with and connect with your child instead of pushing expressive language activities/vocabulary when they didn’t get great sleep the night before. Whatever the situation, allow for flexibility for your child. 

3. Celebrate your Child’s Efforts over Accuracy

Imagine if you were told tomorrow that you had to learn a new sound or language. Think about the effort it would take to achieve either of these tasks. That is how your child feels. Whether they are learning to talk for the first time or learning to correct a speech sound, it requires a lot of effort. When you see that your child is working hard towards their goals, praise their efforts. If your child points to the milk and says “mi” for the first time, smile really big, be excited and say “yes! This is milk!” praising their attempt to communicate rather than saying “no, this is milk. Say milk.” Or if you hear your child say one correct S sound in a sentence point it out “I heard you say your S sound in Summer. You are working so hard” rather than pointing out all other errors. Praise your child’s efforts and you show that you are proud of them for their resilience and determination, not just their accuracy. 

4. Praise>Correction

There are times when it is important to correct your child’s speech or language. This is also part of the learning process. Helping your child identify errors and practice the correct word/ sound DOES have its time and place (hint hint: most times it is NOT in front of peers, especially for older children). However, when you are correcting your child, use a greater praise to correction ratio. For every correction you make, praise your child for three correct uses or attempts. This keeps the practice positive. Let’s go back to the theory that you as an adult had to learn a new language/sound. How would you respond if you were corrected for every word or sound? The same goes for your child.  Help to build their confidence by highlighting all of the great things they say at a higher ratio.  

Conclusion

Speech and language development is a shared journey between you and your child, filled with both challenges and triumphs. While accomplishing speech/language goals is important, it should never overshadow the bond you share. Remember, your relationship with your child is the foundation of their growth. When faced with the choice, always prioritize connection over perfection. By doing so, you empower your child to thrive and build a foundation of trust and encouragement that will support them throughout their lives.