When do you Mind their Manners? When and How to Encourage Social Words from Your Children.

As a society we value manners, especially in children (a quick YouTube search will reveal more children's songs dedicated to teaching the importance of saying "thank you" and other polite expressions than you ever knew existed!) but when it comes to our children’s language development, when should we start encouraging these social words? How can we do this? Please (comedic timing not unnoticed) keep in mind that there is not one right answer for all families, but here are some things to consider. 

Prioritizing Functionality Over Social Words

As a speech-language pathologist, I emphasize the importance of pragmatic language, which plays a crucial role in helping children develop social skills. However, to reach these goals, it's often more beneficial to focus on functionality over social language initially. Allow me to explain further. When working with young toddlers or "late talkers," it's more advantageous for the child to learn words like "help" and "more" before mastering "hello" or "thank you." While social words sound pleasing to adults, they don't immediately serve the child's needs. Prioritizing functionality first can alleviate frustration for both the child and the parent, making the journey towards social language more enjoyable and meaningful.

Modeling Rather Than Withholding

I know this is an all too familiar sight– you hand your child a snack or something you want, and when they don’t say “thank you” you quickly retract it while urging “Say thank you! Say thank you!”. I am hoping I can convince you to go about this in a slightly different way. Instead, hand your child the item and model the word thank you at the same time. Think modeling NOT withholding. Your child is still having the language modeled, having their needs met, and the interaction is positive. 

The Power of Praise

Just like any other behavior, praise plays a pivotal role in encouraging continued use. When you hear your child begin to use words like "please" and "thank you," celebrate it! Make it a momentous occasion. For instance, you could say, "Wow! You said thank you. That makes me so happy!" or "I love that you said please." Through positive reinforcement, children learn the meaning and value behind pragmatic language.

Conclusion

Whenever you're tempted to remind your child to "use those magic words," remember that functionality is paramount. Modeling should take precedence over withholding, and your child's efforts should always be praised. What words do you think would be beneficial for your child to learn before "thank you"? Share your thoughts in the comments below. And as always, THANK YOU for being a valuable part of this community.